i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
