the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
