we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
