I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
