just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
