sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
