Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
