K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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