Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
