It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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