i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
