I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
