I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
