Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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