dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
