We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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