please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
