I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize