I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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