just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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