The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
