winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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