And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i think i just lost a toe
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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