WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she looked like the before picture.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
