turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
