why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you had me at cake vodka
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
