the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize