i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
