Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
