A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she told me i tasted like america
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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