We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
