my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
