It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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