I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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