dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
