he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
