omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
