I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
