Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
