12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
