dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
not ubering you a puppy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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