They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
