As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
