Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
