You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
