As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
