I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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