Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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