what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
