I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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