he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just invented taco cereal.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
