she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
