I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize