I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
