if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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