Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
