Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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