Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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