Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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