My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
