apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
