I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
