I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
