Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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