The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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