Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize