i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
