And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
