He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
