They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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