My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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