I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
