On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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