smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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