You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drake has all the answers
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
