I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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