What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
