oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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