It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
