I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
