sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize