Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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