i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
